Something Very, Very Odd
by White Hair Wolven
Summary: UPDATE That pesky scroll finds it's way into a certain someone's hands. What wacky stuff have I written in this next chapter?
1. Chapter 1

White Haired Wolven here, or you can just call me Wolvie.

Disclaimer: You all know the drill; nothing related to Naruto is mine

"Naruto" – Speech  
'_Naruto'_ – Thought  
**Naruto** – Sound

Well, now that that's cleared up, let the story begin.

* * *

"Neji" Hinata began, sliding into the standard Jyuuken stance "I won't back down"

"Tch" Neji growled "Fine by me, we'll see what destiny has in store for you".

'_Wait a minute'_ Hinata's eyes widened in realisation _'That scroll, of course'._

-------(2 days previous)--------

"Who are you?" Hinata looked at the shadow-cloaked man in front of her.

"It does not matter" The dark figure responded, "What does matter is that you fight for what you believe in".

"B-but I-I'm not that st-strong" Hinata sighed, looking down.

"Use this," The dark man's hand revealed a small scroll "This will help you in your darkest hour".

-------(Present)--------

'_My darkest hour'_ Hinata's voice echoed through her head _'No better time than now'_

Wiping a small bit of blood from her bottom lip, Hinata opened the scroll and whipped her blood-covered thumb across the writing. Twirling the scroll through the air, she caught it in her mouth and preformed the necessary seals.

"Scroll activate!" She called out.

**BO-OING**

"WTF?" Neji said, and wasn't the only one who said it.

There stood Hinata, her thick coat busting at the seams, before finally it tore apart. The last shreds of her coat fell to the ground, revealing Hinata with breasts that rivalled Tsunade's under her dark shirt.

"Ahh" Screamed Hinata, looking down at her massive boobs "What the hell? This is not what I call help".

"Ahem" Coughed Hayate, bloody pieces of tissue stuck in his nose.

"Eh" Hinata turned to face the coughing ninja.

Unfortunately, her bust caused her to twirl even further than she hoped, sending her spinning to the ground.

"Anyway" Hayate coughed, waiting until Hinata could stand again "I declare this match's winner, Hyuuga Hinata".

"Really" Hinata said, falling down once again.

"Yep, you successfully knocked out your cousin" Hayate looked down from the twitching Neji in a pool of blood to the stands above "And judging by the amount of blood dripping from the spectator platforms, every male spectator in this room".

-------(Up on the platforms)--------

"I see" Shino began "Not only do they encompass a surprise attack, the increased bust also cushion attack on the chakra points in the chest area, a perfect defence".

"Shino" Naruto held onto the railings to try and pull himself up "You look at Hinata's rack and all you think about is how effective they are in battle? You're not gay are you?"

"…." Shino couldn't meet Naruto's eyes at that point.

-------(Outside on the roof)--------

"Heheheh" Jiraiya giggled as he watched his telescope and notebook drift away in the pool of blood "I love giving that scroll away".

* * *

Heheheh, this came to me all of a sudden and only took 15 minutes to write. Hope you enjoyed it. Be sure to tell me what you think – Wolvie. 


	2. Chapter 2

Something Very, Very Odd

Chapter 2

WARNING – This chapter is set in the later part of the manga, so if anyone hasn't read it…you should probably still read this cause it's just so damn awesome.

* * *

"Quite a strong little Jinchuuriki aren't you?" Orochimaru, the legendary snake sennin smiled his twisted smile as he panted for breath.

Naruto completely overwhelmed by Kyuubi's chakra and transformed into the 4 tailed nightmares that was the fox demon's vessel, growled low enough to shake the rocky area that had once been the outskirts of a forest and a mighty bridge.

"What beautiful, destructive power you posses" Orochimaru still was able to smile under all the damage he had been inflicted, surviving being sliced and diced who knows how many times, be it a smile of pure evil "But alas, I really must be going".

The Naruto beast growled even louder, cutting the sennin off from his escape path with it's self.

"Pfft, fine, be that way" Orochimaru's face flicked momentarily to annoyance and back to that smug smile again.

Leaning back so his head faced directly upwards, the pale ninja summoned a snake to slither its head out of his mouth, opening its own fanged orifice, and spat out a very ordinary looking scroll.

"This, my dear demon spawn, was a little something your master made in his youth" Orochimaru swallowed the snake back up and held the ordinary ninja tool in his milk-white palm "All the while I spent being tortured by having to endure that idiot's rants about being the sneakiest of all ninjas, I did however stumble upon this scroll".

-----(Flash back 38 years ago)-----

"Nyah Nyah" The genin Tsunade teased her fellow teammate, who at the time was currently tied to a log "Looks like I won the bet".

"Ah go stuff it, you flat chested bitch" The 12 year old Jiraiya spat.

"What did you say you little twerp?" Tsunade raged, yanking the boy's collar.

"You heard me 'no-chest Tsunade'" Jiraiya yelled back.

"Hey, hey, settle down you two" A much younger Sarutobi tried to calm his wards "Honestly, you should take a leaf out of Orochimaru's book".

'_Idiots_' The preteen version of the snake sennin sighed internally as he watched the fight, only to feel something bump against his foot. Picking it up, he read the small note on the paper seal of the scroll '_Super S class evacuation technique, use only in dire circumstances_'

-----(Present)-----

"I always thought I'd use his own technique against that white haired dumbass" Orochimaru smiled, sending a snake to bite his arm and sending blood down his hand "But I suppose using it against his current student will still piss him off to no end".

Flipping the scroll up into the air, Orochimaru sent a snake whizzing by it, cutting the small paper seal with it's fangs. Grabbing the now released scroll, he unfurled it as far as he could reach and wiped blood down the paper column.

"SCROLL ACTIVATE!"

**BOI-OING**

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?"

As the smoke cleared, the most feared of all Konoha ninja, one of the legendary three, weilder of arts so life perverting even demons found him despicable….

Was now standing there with a pair of breasts rivaling those of his former teammate.

"Yes" I tearful cry of happiness called from the background "Orochimaru-sama, there truly is a god".

'_Idiot Kabuto_'

----(Sidelines)----

"Um, Yamato-sensai" Sakura began "What the hell is happening?"

"Something greatly disgusting" Yamato got out barely, holding down his vomitous intentions.

'_Hmm_' Sai watched with neutral expression '_This gives me an idea for a great new manga, I should probably start inking the designs right away_'

-----(Back at the Battle)-----

"Arf?" The Naruto/Fox barked, his four tails forming into four furry question marks.

"What the hell are you looking at? You stupid fo-woah" Orochimaru stopped mid-sentence as he fell down due to the sheer mass of his new boobs.

"Ah crap" He looked down at his body and found a rock jammed into his crotch "That's gonna hurt like hell".

A few seconds passed as the snake sennin braced for the oncoming pain.

"Hmm" Orochimaru sighed as he felt around for damage "Didn't seem to…to…OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD NO!".

Drawing out a kunai, the pale ninja sliced off his purple rope and let his pants fall to his ankles.

"YIPEYIPEYIPEYIPEYIPE!" Naruto's cries of terror roared out as he rammed his face into the ground at the shear horror of what he saw, his cries fading away as he launched himself into the forests.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Orochimaru and Kabuto screamed in unison at the loss of the sennin's 'little snake'.

-----(Sidelines)-----

"Oh dear god, it burns, IT BURNS!" Sakura squealed like a little girl as she rammed her head into the ground, trying to bash the painful images from her mind.

Yamato was leaning on a bridge post as he threw up flowers and little bonsai trees.

Sai however, was painting madly on his canvas, looking back up again time from time to see the hysterical sennin.

"This is awesome" The boy smiled his first genuine smile for his entire life "With these pictures; I'm going to be so freaking rich".

-----(Back At Konoha)-----

"And so, while I pissed off Tsunade, I secretly threw that scroll at Orochimaru" The white haired sennin Jiraiya told his story to Kakashi, Asuma and Kurenai over his sake bowl "Orochimaru never could resists knowing new jutsus, and I knew he'd think that he'd try and piss me off by using it".

"You're a sick man desperately in need of help" Kurenai said.

"That he is, but I'm sure as hell not going to give him any" Kakashi giggled as he read his new book.

"Wouldn't dream of it either" Asuma and Kurenai said at the same time.

-----(In the forest)-----

"Itachi?" Kisame began as he and his partner traveled down a well worn pathway.

"…Yes?" The elder sharingan user replied.

"Do you think it's possible for ninja to find love, even on the battlefield?" Itachi asked slowly, his blue skin turning purple as he blushed.

"…Shut the hell up you freak" Itachi simply said, annoyance clearly on his voice.

"YIPEYIPEYIPEYIPEYIPE!"

A blood red blur passed the two, it's cries echoing as it ran at mach speed.

"What the hell was that?" Itachi said.

"I dunno, but it dropped this" Kisame presented an opened, bloodstained scroll to his partner.

* * *

Ah, once again the idea just popped into my head, so I thought I'd write it down and see what you think of it. Loved it? Hated it? Send those reviews in – Wolvie. 


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